HAWKS AND DOVES

Are you a hawk or a dove, or something in between?

Hawks favour a military solution to conflict. Doves focus on processes that point towards peace.

The uncommitted, sit between, indifferent, overwhelmed or anxious, fearing their actions will compound the conflict.

Our approach to conflict resolution is shaped by dynamics drawn from our family of origin, experiences in life and professional training.

Archbishop Emeritus Elias Chacour of the Melkite church in Haifa asked our group,        

            " What brings you to Israel?"

            My reply was, "To help find a way to peace."

            "Oh." he said, "That is a HUGE task."

Elias, the author of many books, his most famous, 'Blood Brothers' tells the story of his family's displacement in the north of Israel during the 1948 War. His father chose not to hate or seek revenge against Israel but rather serve the Israeli occupiers. Elias founded The Peace Centre at Ibillin, a beautiful community that includes a school, welcoming students irrespective of race or religion.

Our meeting with Elias took place during my first visit to Israel with a group of Australians in 2013. Elias Chacour first shaped the lens through which I view the historic conflict between these two peoples.

The Rossing Centre for Education and Dialogue in Jerusalem has also shaped my stance. The non-violent philosophy and peacekeeping initiatives employed by their inter-racial, interfaith staff of Jews, Muslims and Christians, builds understanding and trust between Jewish and Palestinian communities.

The testimony of two fathers, Rami, an Israeli, and Bassam, a Palestinian, their daughters killed violently by 'the other side', united in grief, have left an indelible imprint on me. They now tour the world, passionately promoting peace.

Their plea:

"You can teach yourself how to listen.Only after you listen to the others’ pain can you expect the other to listen to your pain.”

“When they listen to us, we try to listen to them."

“There will be no freedom for Palestinians without security for Israelis and    there will be no security for Israelis without freedom for Palestinians."

“If you are pro-Israel, it’s not going to help. If you are pro-Palestinian only, it’s not going to help us. You need to be pro-justice.”

 Israelis and Palestinians have common ground. Both are human, both hurt, both can seek revenge, both can listen - empathise, understand and choose reconciliation and peace.

My training and experience as a Relationship and Family Therapist, an agent of healing, warns me that if I join one party against the other - triangulation, it only serves to promote the conflict. I become entangled in their conflict. What is required is the discipline and skill to create a safe space for both parties to hear the other, share the other's pain, and understand that continuing to do more and more of the same, 'tit' for 'tat', they will get more and more of the same - hurt - anger - frustration - fear. In this destructive dance, the therapist is required to highlight any harmful behaviour one party uses in the fight - the never-ending dirty dance destroying their relationship. Blaming, stonewalling, attacking, only sabotages the process.

The therapist is neutral, patient, highlighting the core issue(s), active, not passive, understanding their history but also providing a focus on the present and the possibilities in the future.

The therapist seeks the moment when one party is prepared to listen and acknowledges the pain of the other - the decision they want to break the destructive cycle.

The basic dynamics of systems theory also apply to the Israeli- Palestinian conflict.

The factors of course, are far more complex. A relationship therapist is faced with two individuals. Mediators of the Middle East conflict are faced with an even greater challenge. Accusations from both sides of deliberate distortions and inaccuracies in the conflict cloud reality. Narratives from either side submitted to world media are cleansed of any hint of misdoing. The reality of Israelis and Palestinians not unified in their leaders' beliefs and actions, also adds to the confusion.

An important question to ask, 'Who keeps the conflict going and what do they gain from it?' The agendas of both Israelis and Palestinians are impacted by nations who have a vested interest in either side.

In response to Elias Chacour's question, I choose to be a peacemaker with a focus on highlighting the elements that I believe will produce a just peace. I endeavour to avoid naivety and arrogance, thinking that I can solve a conflict that has consumed so many lives over the centuries. What I do know is if Rami and Bassam can reconcile and unite as brothers through the transformation of their deep pain and grief, it stands as a solid hope for others.

We can contribute by pointing the way to a just peace by actively maintaining balance, seeking and pressing for clarity of the issues for both parties, avoiding triangulation, calling out violence and any action by either side that sabotages the process.

Both Israelis and Palestinians have a right to exist, a safe place to live. Dialogue, listening, accepting 'the other' will lead to trust. If Israelis continue to hear Hamas chant, "From the river to the sea ..." or Palestinians see Israelis maintaining and expanding their settlements, nothing will change. Hawks are powerful birds of prey with sharp talons and strong leg muscles that give them powerful grip. Their talons are curved and designed to seize and hold prey. Doves are known for their empathy, compassion, and nurturing nature. They ares strong fliers, great navigators, and symbols of peace.